Yay! I'm finally out of my depressed mode.
That's pretty much all I want to say, really. Guess what? The past two days I've been helping people out with the luggage department countless of times, and I got annoyed with it. It's just, it's Warehouse sale, and we're almost out of stock, and every time someone asks me for a piece, I always would have to come out of the storage room without anything. I feel like I'm always making excuses, and I know that those customers might think I'm incompetent. That's why I don't like to do luggage. I'll keep with shoes. But I don't know... hopefully my in confident feeling would sooner or later subside.
Uhmm... what else to say? There's not much news about SweetestIrony. Nor my fics. I posted the second chapter of What You Will, but there's very little reviewers. I'm a bit sad about it, but I'm really trying to train myself to write because I love to (and I really do), and not to do it for reviews. I just think about one of my favorite authors who is amazing at writing, but gets so few feedbacks. That doesn't stop her, so what should that me? Yeah... that's what I think.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Loving The Bad, Hating the Good
Today I worked another eight hour shift. Tomorrow I am off, so that's always a good thing.
Once you've succeeded in making your first sales of luggage, you'd feel like you can do anything. I've felt it again this morning... well, afternoon really. I'm not very much of the salesperson to do luggage. I'm always at shoes, so I get butterflies every time someone asks for help in the luggage. Today, I helped a man who was a bit confusing, but he thanked me very much for my help, and I felt so relieved and grateful. I love it when people thank me. It's such a simple phrase, but it really makes my day as a salesperson. It just makes me feel as if I did a job well done and that I'm being thanked for all the efforts put in.
My glasses broke about an hour into my shift. I removed them to fix my hair. I was about to put them back when the handle on the left side just broke off. It was so difficult to put it back on. Actually, I couldn't at all. I had to go without my glasses for about fifteen minutes. Then I wondered if I could tuck them in to my hairband, but they kept popping out of the slot. My co-worker helped me tape them up so that they wouldn't budge. And then... that's pretty much how I got on for the rest of the day.
My father is taking my sister and I tomorrow in the movies. I'm so excited! My Dad doesn't usually take us out on casual outings. If he wants to go out, he'd find a beach, a mountain, or a lake or go into another province and stay there for four days in a hotel. Doing a little thing with him tomorrow is just as nice. But I'm wondering how my glasses would hold up. I hope I can still use them for that long.
Anyway, the main point of this post is to actually pour out something that I've been feeling lately. So... you know how I'm a writer in fanfiction.net? Well, the forums that I've been going to recently have... brought me mixed feelings. The people are nice and funny, but it's like being thrown back into elementary for me. And I'm not talking about the childishness. I'm talking about how I felt back when I was in elementary. Back then, I never really fit in. I was the odd one out all the time, and regardless whether people were good or friendly, there's something that would make me feel uncomfortable around them. And this is exactly what's been happening. I've been having so much fun in that forum, but after getting to know everybody a bit more beyond their writing and their pen names, it's like I'm just in a different league. It's like I'm different. Of course, how would I really know when I've never met them before, right? But... I can just tell. Maybe getting to know them better would only confirm my assumption that I'm much too different from them, or it may be the opposite. I don't know. But since I loved going to the forums, I just... I don't want to feel left out. And nobody's making me feel left out. *I'm* making myself feel left out and I don't know why. It's nobody's fault. It's my fault, but I don't know how to fix it.
I'm in a depressed state. I hate it when something so good for me ends. I don't know what to do. I think a break from the forums would be good. I think a break from fanfiction.net would also be good.
Once you've succeeded in making your first sales of luggage, you'd feel like you can do anything. I've felt it again this morning... well, afternoon really. I'm not very much of the salesperson to do luggage. I'm always at shoes, so I get butterflies every time someone asks for help in the luggage. Today, I helped a man who was a bit confusing, but he thanked me very much for my help, and I felt so relieved and grateful. I love it when people thank me. It's such a simple phrase, but it really makes my day as a salesperson. It just makes me feel as if I did a job well done and that I'm being thanked for all the efforts put in.
My glasses broke about an hour into my shift. I removed them to fix my hair. I was about to put them back when the handle on the left side just broke off. It was so difficult to put it back on. Actually, I couldn't at all. I had to go without my glasses for about fifteen minutes. Then I wondered if I could tuck them in to my hairband, but they kept popping out of the slot. My co-worker helped me tape them up so that they wouldn't budge. And then... that's pretty much how I got on for the rest of the day.
My father is taking my sister and I tomorrow in the movies. I'm so excited! My Dad doesn't usually take us out on casual outings. If he wants to go out, he'd find a beach, a mountain, or a lake or go into another province and stay there for four days in a hotel. Doing a little thing with him tomorrow is just as nice. But I'm wondering how my glasses would hold up. I hope I can still use them for that long.
Anyway, the main point of this post is to actually pour out something that I've been feeling lately. So... you know how I'm a writer in fanfiction.net? Well, the forums that I've been going to recently have... brought me mixed feelings. The people are nice and funny, but it's like being thrown back into elementary for me. And I'm not talking about the childishness. I'm talking about how I felt back when I was in elementary. Back then, I never really fit in. I was the odd one out all the time, and regardless whether people were good or friendly, there's something that would make me feel uncomfortable around them. And this is exactly what's been happening. I've been having so much fun in that forum, but after getting to know everybody a bit more beyond their writing and their pen names, it's like I'm just in a different league. It's like I'm different. Of course, how would I really know when I've never met them before, right? But... I can just tell. Maybe getting to know them better would only confirm my assumption that I'm much too different from them, or it may be the opposite. I don't know. But since I loved going to the forums, I just... I don't want to feel left out. And nobody's making me feel left out. *I'm* making myself feel left out and I don't know why. It's nobody's fault. It's my fault, but I don't know how to fix it.
I'm in a depressed state. I hate it when something so good for me ends. I don't know what to do. I think a break from the forums would be good. I think a break from fanfiction.net would also be good.
Rainy Days of the Week
So, I haven't written in sixteen days. I feel bad about that, since I thought I might be able to write more during the summer. I'll try my best next time.
Anyway, there's nothing much going on. At least nothing interesting. I'm working around thirty hours each week because there are two people on vacation. It isn't actually so bad. I thought at first that it might be hard working eight hours a week, but really, it's quite fun when there aren't a lot of people in the mall. I just hate stupid customers.
By the way, yesterday I found out that mall employees get 10% of in any food or beverage stores. So when I bought my favorite cafe vanilla frapuccino, I didn't have to pay almost four dollars for it. I'd try it again today with New York Fries. I love their poutine.
Well, what I really want to talk about is my stories. I've finally posted Ten Days, but I'm putting that on halt for now. Instead, I would be spending most of my energy working on What You Will and Sticks and Stones. Unfortunately, cases of writer's block are more common nowadays than back then. I put up the Word document and start typing on the keyboard, but nothing would come out. I'm mind-boggled. Nothing in my brain. It's frustrating. I still have the window up right now (well, actually I have it down) but I'm trying to write chapter two. I'm also currently listening to some of Sarah Geronimo's videos right now in YouTube. I just love her voice!
Anyway, there's nothing much going on. At least nothing interesting. I'm working around thirty hours each week because there are two people on vacation. It isn't actually so bad. I thought at first that it might be hard working eight hours a week, but really, it's quite fun when there aren't a lot of people in the mall. I just hate stupid customers.
By the way, yesterday I found out that mall employees get 10% of in any food or beverage stores. So when I bought my favorite cafe vanilla frapuccino, I didn't have to pay almost four dollars for it. I'd try it again today with New York Fries. I love their poutine.
Well, what I really want to talk about is my stories. I've finally posted Ten Days, but I'm putting that on halt for now. Instead, I would be spending most of my energy working on What You Will and Sticks and Stones. Unfortunately, cases of writer's block are more common nowadays than back then. I put up the Word document and start typing on the keyboard, but nothing would come out. I'm mind-boggled. Nothing in my brain. It's frustrating. I still have the window up right now (well, actually I have it down) but I'm trying to write chapter two. I'm also currently listening to some of Sarah Geronimo's videos right now in YouTube. I just love her voice!
Monday, July 7, 2008
The Good Bad Days
So for two days in a row, I seem to be having what I recently called a 'good bad day' or 'bad good day'. Either/or.
I'll start with yesterday. When I went to work, I knew things were going to be a bit of a drag. I was working 6 and half hours, and the other new worker besides me were going to be left alone after 3 o'clock. It was Sunday, and the store became busy after the we were left alone.
I was still in a really good mood, because in the morning there was this super nice woman who complimented and thanked me for helping her. And then came along this guy... he was filing a complaint against our product because it wasn't good. I know that the policy for returning shoes is that if it is damaged, we can't take it back. It's understandable; how would we sell it again? So... my supervisor's in vacation and here is this guy who thinks he's all that. He begins talking with me, and I clearly explain that there isn't much that I could do about it. He tells me that I'm exhausting him because he was the one who was doing all the talking. I wasn't talking to him because I've already explained myself; if he wanted to talk and complain more, well that's not my fault.
He goes over to the cashier to do the return, and the cashier knew we weren't supposed to accept it. We called up the manager from the management department so that she could deal with him. I went on break. Later on, I was told that he began insulting the people who were actually helping him. Ugh, he placed me in such a bad mood.
Like I've said, I was new and I was with another new person. Employees in the shoe department are all responsible for the luggage department as well. I haven't handled luggage before and neither has my co-worker. The night before I prayed that nobody would ask for luggage. I remembered that it wasn't everyday that people come by to ask for luggage. And then guess what? Yesterday, somebody needed help with the luggage! Just my luck, right? My co-worker was helping somebody else, so I had to help the poor old man. I made it clear that it was my first time dealing with bags, and he told me that it was alright. He just needed my opinion. I tried to make up for my lack of experience with the little bit of knowledge I know, and some improvising. In the end... it worked! He bought a piece of luggage! I was so happy!
Today wasn't entirely as bad as yesterday. It was the first time in a long time when my Mom, my sister and I went shopping out together again. So, we went to eat outside and then headed for Pacific Mall. I found Super Junior's CD! I got it for such a good deal. 2 CD's, 36 songs, for only $25. Yup... so I'm listening to it right now.
I'll start with yesterday. When I went to work, I knew things were going to be a bit of a drag. I was working 6 and half hours, and the other new worker besides me were going to be left alone after 3 o'clock. It was Sunday, and the store became busy after the we were left alone.
I was still in a really good mood, because in the morning there was this super nice woman who complimented and thanked me for helping her. And then came along this guy... he was filing a complaint against our product because it wasn't good. I know that the policy for returning shoes is that if it is damaged, we can't take it back. It's understandable; how would we sell it again? So... my supervisor's in vacation and here is this guy who thinks he's all that. He begins talking with me, and I clearly explain that there isn't much that I could do about it. He tells me that I'm exhausting him because he was the one who was doing all the talking. I wasn't talking to him because I've already explained myself; if he wanted to talk and complain more, well that's not my fault.
He goes over to the cashier to do the return, and the cashier knew we weren't supposed to accept it. We called up the manager from the management department so that she could deal with him. I went on break. Later on, I was told that he began insulting the people who were actually helping him. Ugh, he placed me in such a bad mood.
Like I've said, I was new and I was with another new person. Employees in the shoe department are all responsible for the luggage department as well. I haven't handled luggage before and neither has my co-worker. The night before I prayed that nobody would ask for luggage. I remembered that it wasn't everyday that people come by to ask for luggage. And then guess what? Yesterday, somebody needed help with the luggage! Just my luck, right? My co-worker was helping somebody else, so I had to help the poor old man. I made it clear that it was my first time dealing with bags, and he told me that it was alright. He just needed my opinion. I tried to make up for my lack of experience with the little bit of knowledge I know, and some improvising. In the end... it worked! He bought a piece of luggage! I was so happy!
Today wasn't entirely as bad as yesterday. It was the first time in a long time when my Mom, my sister and I went shopping out together again. So, we went to eat outside and then headed for Pacific Mall. I found Super Junior's CD! I got it for such a good deal. 2 CD's, 36 songs, for only $25. Yup... so I'm listening to it right now.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Watercolours in the Afternoon
Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
Oh my gosh! Thank goodness! Everything's over! My exams, my school, everything! I'm literally jumping for joy. I'm free. FREE. FREE FREE FREE. And I'm loving it!
Of course, I'd still have to return to school on the 23rd and the 26th just to get the results of my exams and get my report card. My exams went well, by the way. My math exam was okay, not too hard, not too easy. I think I'm on the lucky side of my grade though. I heard that mostly everybody had a hard time with it. There were only three of us who seemed to have gotten similar answers on almost everything. I'm happy about that. I'm also happy with the fact that my programming exam wasn't too hard. I thought I wouldn't be able to figure out how to write a program for the problem, but it turned out that the problem was pretty easy. We had to write it on paper, though. My business exam was all multiple choice and a bit of fill in the blanks with a word bank. So, it was the easiest out of all three exams.
So now, I can focus all my time on my fanfiction life. I can't wait to get back. Seriously. A few reviewers have asked me to update already, and I appreciate to know that they haven't given up on me. I'm also contemplating whether to give out sneak peeks on my blog. Yeah, I think I should do that.
Okay then, here's one. It's from the edited Chapter 11 and 12 of 'Sticks and Stones'. The relevance of this part to the story? Not much. It's the only thing I have at the moment, so I'm putting it in. Next time I post sneak peeks, I promise they will be better. (I just found out that some people *do* read blogs. Hmm...)
-o-
“Uh… uh… my, my name? My name is… is…”
What if I just pretended to be a different person? I didn’t have to risk being known. I could be someone else for a day; someone who wasn’t related to the great Hercule Satan; someone who Bulma would be happy to help. But that would be unfair for Gohan. He had done lots of things for me, including this, and it would be shameful for me not to go along with his plan… whatever that was.
Besides, I would then have to lie again. I lied to Goten yesterday; would I lie now? That would only add to the horrible image my father had carved to Gohan’s family. He lied to the world, and it would definitely be no surprise if I lied to everybody too.
No, I needed to tell the truth, because I’m not like my father.
“My name is… Videl,”
She craned her neck slightly towards me.
“Sorry, but I didn’t catch that quite too well.”
I cleared my throat and tried again, “I’m Videl.”
Bulma’s eyes widened in surprise.
“Videl Satan?”
I didn’t know whether to nod or shake my head.
Just then Gohan stepped in and confirmed the situation. He cleared his throat awkwardly before saying, “Yeah…”. He trailed off there and didn’t say any more.
Oh my gosh! Thank goodness! Everything's over! My exams, my school, everything! I'm literally jumping for joy. I'm free. FREE. FREE FREE FREE. And I'm loving it!
Of course, I'd still have to return to school on the 23rd and the 26th just to get the results of my exams and get my report card. My exams went well, by the way. My math exam was okay, not too hard, not too easy. I think I'm on the lucky side of my grade though. I heard that mostly everybody had a hard time with it. There were only three of us who seemed to have gotten similar answers on almost everything. I'm happy about that. I'm also happy with the fact that my programming exam wasn't too hard. I thought I wouldn't be able to figure out how to write a program for the problem, but it turned out that the problem was pretty easy. We had to write it on paper, though. My business exam was all multiple choice and a bit of fill in the blanks with a word bank. So, it was the easiest out of all three exams.
So now, I can focus all my time on my fanfiction life. I can't wait to get back. Seriously. A few reviewers have asked me to update already, and I appreciate to know that they haven't given up on me. I'm also contemplating whether to give out sneak peeks on my blog. Yeah, I think I should do that.
Okay then, here's one. It's from the edited Chapter 11 and 12 of 'Sticks and Stones'. The relevance of this part to the story? Not much. It's the only thing I have at the moment, so I'm putting it in. Next time I post sneak peeks, I promise they will be better. (I just found out that some people *do* read blogs. Hmm...)
-o-
“Uh… uh… my, my name? My name is… is…”
What if I just pretended to be a different person? I didn’t have to risk being known. I could be someone else for a day; someone who wasn’t related to the great Hercule Satan; someone who Bulma would be happy to help. But that would be unfair for Gohan. He had done lots of things for me, including this, and it would be shameful for me not to go along with his plan… whatever that was.
Besides, I would then have to lie again. I lied to Goten yesterday; would I lie now? That would only add to the horrible image my father had carved to Gohan’s family. He lied to the world, and it would definitely be no surprise if I lied to everybody too.
No, I needed to tell the truth, because I’m not like my father.
“My name is… Videl,”
She craned her neck slightly towards me.
“Sorry, but I didn’t catch that quite too well.”
I cleared my throat and tried again, “I’m Videl.”
Bulma’s eyes widened in surprise.
“Videl Satan?”
I didn’t know whether to nod or shake my head.
Just then Gohan stepped in and confirmed the situation. He cleared his throat awkwardly before saying, “Yeah…”. He trailed off there and didn’t say any more.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Pancakes in the Morning
Ah... the dreaded days are coming all too soon. On the 16th and 17th, I would be writing my Math, Computers and Business exams. I'm nervous, but at the same time, I know that I'm doing my best to prepare for it. That's all that I can really do.
As for other things, I'm definitely in Fanfiction zone now. I can't wait until I open up my stories once again and start writing the continuation. My hands are itching, and my mind is going overdrive. I have so many things in plan, and I don't think I have enough time to do it all. I can't wait until Tuesday night.
I'm also going to begin my artworks again. I love to sketch, but I almost abandoned that hobby this year because I wasn't taking any art courses, and I didn't have time to just draw when I felt like it. I want to start to draw anime (better, because it seems like I suck), and other things like shading or using other materials for colouring. I usually just use color pencils because the texture is just right for shading, but I really want to try pastels or watercolours.
That's all that I really have to give a heads-up for. I'd love to write more, but like I said, so many things to do in such little time.
As for other things, I'm definitely in Fanfiction zone now. I can't wait until I open up my stories once again and start writing the continuation. My hands are itching, and my mind is going overdrive. I have so many things in plan, and I don't think I have enough time to do it all. I can't wait until Tuesday night.
I'm also going to begin my artworks again. I love to sketch, but I almost abandoned that hobby this year because I wasn't taking any art courses, and I didn't have time to just draw when I felt like it. I want to start to draw anime (better, because it seems like I suck), and other things like shading or using other materials for colouring. I usually just use color pencils because the texture is just right for shading, but I really want to try pastels or watercolours.
That's all that I really have to give a heads-up for. I'd love to write more, but like I said, so many things to do in such little time.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Dwelling
Do I sound over dramatic?
I probably do.
I know that I don't have the most interesting life out there. Not that anybody's reading this anyway. This is for myself. Just for me, and even though people might read it, they wouldn't know me enough to judge me.
I'm still depressed.
But now, I have something to distract myself from. I'm memorizing my business lines for tomorrow's presentation. I hope I do well.
There I go again.
I hope.
Is that really the only thing I can do? Hope? Really... what would happen if I lose hope? I've read a story that said: if you lose hope, keep hoping anyway because you have nowhere else to go.
I probably should quote that... but I'm too lazy to. Disclaimer: that quote doesn't belong to me.
Anyway, I try to imagine myself without any hope. I think I would be a walking zombie. It's not like me to be so pessimistic and cynical. Have you ever had a time in your life where you try and try your best, you work hard, but not one of your efforts pay off? Well, that's how I'm feeling right now.
The thing that I hate most is when people tell me that I can't do something. Just like how my Dad assumed that I would get bad marks if I work. It was like he was telling me I couldn't handle two things at the same time. That's why there's so much pressure on my shoulders. I want to prove him wrong so badly! Really really badly! I try my best on all my school work, but since the year is already ending and I only have so much chances, luck and God aren't here with me.
I know, I know. God's probably taking care of the people in China and Myanmar.
I feel bad when I doubt my own religion. I feel like I'm not faithful enough. I'm probably not the most religious teenager you can find around here, but I try my best and it's so... there's not even a word for it. I just feel horrible when I doubt God. I know I shouldn't...
Really, why would things go bad now just when I need good stuff?
What's more ironic is that my teacher's been giving us harder and harder quizzes and tests. Great! Definitely what I need. I know that it's almost the year end, but what does that have to do with him changing the difficulty of his questions? I don't understand!
I'm stressed out. I don't know what to do. I already know that my marks are probably going to go down. And then my challenge would go down the drain.
And once again, I'd lose.
I probably do.
I know that I don't have the most interesting life out there. Not that anybody's reading this anyway. This is for myself. Just for me, and even though people might read it, they wouldn't know me enough to judge me.
I'm still depressed.
But now, I have something to distract myself from. I'm memorizing my business lines for tomorrow's presentation. I hope I do well.
There I go again.
I hope.
Is that really the only thing I can do? Hope? Really... what would happen if I lose hope? I've read a story that said: if you lose hope, keep hoping anyway because you have nowhere else to go.
I probably should quote that... but I'm too lazy to. Disclaimer: that quote doesn't belong to me.
Anyway, I try to imagine myself without any hope. I think I would be a walking zombie. It's not like me to be so pessimistic and cynical. Have you ever had a time in your life where you try and try your best, you work hard, but not one of your efforts pay off? Well, that's how I'm feeling right now.
The thing that I hate most is when people tell me that I can't do something. Just like how my Dad assumed that I would get bad marks if I work. It was like he was telling me I couldn't handle two things at the same time. That's why there's so much pressure on my shoulders. I want to prove him wrong so badly! Really really badly! I try my best on all my school work, but since the year is already ending and I only have so much chances, luck and God aren't here with me.
I know, I know. God's probably taking care of the people in China and Myanmar.
I feel bad when I doubt my own religion. I feel like I'm not faithful enough. I'm probably not the most religious teenager you can find around here, but I try my best and it's so... there's not even a word for it. I just feel horrible when I doubt God. I know I shouldn't...
Really, why would things go bad now just when I need good stuff?
What's more ironic is that my teacher's been giving us harder and harder quizzes and tests. Great! Definitely what I need. I know that it's almost the year end, but what does that have to do with him changing the difficulty of his questions? I don't understand!
I'm stressed out. I don't know what to do. I already know that my marks are probably going to go down. And then my challenge would go down the drain.
And once again, I'd lose.
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