Yay! I'm finally out of my depressed mode.
That's pretty much all I want to say, really. Guess what? The past two days I've been helping people out with the luggage department countless of times, and I got annoyed with it. It's just, it's Warehouse sale, and we're almost out of stock, and every time someone asks me for a piece, I always would have to come out of the storage room without anything. I feel like I'm always making excuses, and I know that those customers might think I'm incompetent. That's why I don't like to do luggage. I'll keep with shoes. But I don't know... hopefully my in confident feeling would sooner or later subside.
Uhmm... what else to say? There's not much news about SweetestIrony. Nor my fics. I posted the second chapter of What You Will, but there's very little reviewers. I'm a bit sad about it, but I'm really trying to train myself to write because I love to (and I really do), and not to do it for reviews. I just think about one of my favorite authors who is amazing at writing, but gets so few feedbacks. That doesn't stop her, so what should that me? Yeah... that's what I think.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Loving The Bad, Hating the Good
Today I worked another eight hour shift. Tomorrow I am off, so that's always a good thing.
Once you've succeeded in making your first sales of luggage, you'd feel like you can do anything. I've felt it again this morning... well, afternoon really. I'm not very much of the salesperson to do luggage. I'm always at shoes, so I get butterflies every time someone asks for help in the luggage. Today, I helped a man who was a bit confusing, but he thanked me very much for my help, and I felt so relieved and grateful. I love it when people thank me. It's such a simple phrase, but it really makes my day as a salesperson. It just makes me feel as if I did a job well done and that I'm being thanked for all the efforts put in.
My glasses broke about an hour into my shift. I removed them to fix my hair. I was about to put them back when the handle on the left side just broke off. It was so difficult to put it back on. Actually, I couldn't at all. I had to go without my glasses for about fifteen minutes. Then I wondered if I could tuck them in to my hairband, but they kept popping out of the slot. My co-worker helped me tape them up so that they wouldn't budge. And then... that's pretty much how I got on for the rest of the day.
My father is taking my sister and I tomorrow in the movies. I'm so excited! My Dad doesn't usually take us out on casual outings. If he wants to go out, he'd find a beach, a mountain, or a lake or go into another province and stay there for four days in a hotel. Doing a little thing with him tomorrow is just as nice. But I'm wondering how my glasses would hold up. I hope I can still use them for that long.
Anyway, the main point of this post is to actually pour out something that I've been feeling lately. So... you know how I'm a writer in fanfiction.net? Well, the forums that I've been going to recently have... brought me mixed feelings. The people are nice and funny, but it's like being thrown back into elementary for me. And I'm not talking about the childishness. I'm talking about how I felt back when I was in elementary. Back then, I never really fit in. I was the odd one out all the time, and regardless whether people were good or friendly, there's something that would make me feel uncomfortable around them. And this is exactly what's been happening. I've been having so much fun in that forum, but after getting to know everybody a bit more beyond their writing and their pen names, it's like I'm just in a different league. It's like I'm different. Of course, how would I really know when I've never met them before, right? But... I can just tell. Maybe getting to know them better would only confirm my assumption that I'm much too different from them, or it may be the opposite. I don't know. But since I loved going to the forums, I just... I don't want to feel left out. And nobody's making me feel left out. *I'm* making myself feel left out and I don't know why. It's nobody's fault. It's my fault, but I don't know how to fix it.
I'm in a depressed state. I hate it when something so good for me ends. I don't know what to do. I think a break from the forums would be good. I think a break from fanfiction.net would also be good.
Once you've succeeded in making your first sales of luggage, you'd feel like you can do anything. I've felt it again this morning... well, afternoon really. I'm not very much of the salesperson to do luggage. I'm always at shoes, so I get butterflies every time someone asks for help in the luggage. Today, I helped a man who was a bit confusing, but he thanked me very much for my help, and I felt so relieved and grateful. I love it when people thank me. It's such a simple phrase, but it really makes my day as a salesperson. It just makes me feel as if I did a job well done and that I'm being thanked for all the efforts put in.
My glasses broke about an hour into my shift. I removed them to fix my hair. I was about to put them back when the handle on the left side just broke off. It was so difficult to put it back on. Actually, I couldn't at all. I had to go without my glasses for about fifteen minutes. Then I wondered if I could tuck them in to my hairband, but they kept popping out of the slot. My co-worker helped me tape them up so that they wouldn't budge. And then... that's pretty much how I got on for the rest of the day.
My father is taking my sister and I tomorrow in the movies. I'm so excited! My Dad doesn't usually take us out on casual outings. If he wants to go out, he'd find a beach, a mountain, or a lake or go into another province and stay there for four days in a hotel. Doing a little thing with him tomorrow is just as nice. But I'm wondering how my glasses would hold up. I hope I can still use them for that long.
Anyway, the main point of this post is to actually pour out something that I've been feeling lately. So... you know how I'm a writer in fanfiction.net? Well, the forums that I've been going to recently have... brought me mixed feelings. The people are nice and funny, but it's like being thrown back into elementary for me. And I'm not talking about the childishness. I'm talking about how I felt back when I was in elementary. Back then, I never really fit in. I was the odd one out all the time, and regardless whether people were good or friendly, there's something that would make me feel uncomfortable around them. And this is exactly what's been happening. I've been having so much fun in that forum, but after getting to know everybody a bit more beyond their writing and their pen names, it's like I'm just in a different league. It's like I'm different. Of course, how would I really know when I've never met them before, right? But... I can just tell. Maybe getting to know them better would only confirm my assumption that I'm much too different from them, or it may be the opposite. I don't know. But since I loved going to the forums, I just... I don't want to feel left out. And nobody's making me feel left out. *I'm* making myself feel left out and I don't know why. It's nobody's fault. It's my fault, but I don't know how to fix it.
I'm in a depressed state. I hate it when something so good for me ends. I don't know what to do. I think a break from the forums would be good. I think a break from fanfiction.net would also be good.
Rainy Days of the Week
So, I haven't written in sixteen days. I feel bad about that, since I thought I might be able to write more during the summer. I'll try my best next time.
Anyway, there's nothing much going on. At least nothing interesting. I'm working around thirty hours each week because there are two people on vacation. It isn't actually so bad. I thought at first that it might be hard working eight hours a week, but really, it's quite fun when there aren't a lot of people in the mall. I just hate stupid customers.
By the way, yesterday I found out that mall employees get 10% of in any food or beverage stores. So when I bought my favorite cafe vanilla frapuccino, I didn't have to pay almost four dollars for it. I'd try it again today with New York Fries. I love their poutine.
Well, what I really want to talk about is my stories. I've finally posted Ten Days, but I'm putting that on halt for now. Instead, I would be spending most of my energy working on What You Will and Sticks and Stones. Unfortunately, cases of writer's block are more common nowadays than back then. I put up the Word document and start typing on the keyboard, but nothing would come out. I'm mind-boggled. Nothing in my brain. It's frustrating. I still have the window up right now (well, actually I have it down) but I'm trying to write chapter two. I'm also currently listening to some of Sarah Geronimo's videos right now in YouTube. I just love her voice!
Anyway, there's nothing much going on. At least nothing interesting. I'm working around thirty hours each week because there are two people on vacation. It isn't actually so bad. I thought at first that it might be hard working eight hours a week, but really, it's quite fun when there aren't a lot of people in the mall. I just hate stupid customers.
By the way, yesterday I found out that mall employees get 10% of in any food or beverage stores. So when I bought my favorite cafe vanilla frapuccino, I didn't have to pay almost four dollars for it. I'd try it again today with New York Fries. I love their poutine.
Well, what I really want to talk about is my stories. I've finally posted Ten Days, but I'm putting that on halt for now. Instead, I would be spending most of my energy working on What You Will and Sticks and Stones. Unfortunately, cases of writer's block are more common nowadays than back then. I put up the Word document and start typing on the keyboard, but nothing would come out. I'm mind-boggled. Nothing in my brain. It's frustrating. I still have the window up right now (well, actually I have it down) but I'm trying to write chapter two. I'm also currently listening to some of Sarah Geronimo's videos right now in YouTube. I just love her voice!
Monday, July 7, 2008
The Good Bad Days
So for two days in a row, I seem to be having what I recently called a 'good bad day' or 'bad good day'. Either/or.
I'll start with yesterday. When I went to work, I knew things were going to be a bit of a drag. I was working 6 and half hours, and the other new worker besides me were going to be left alone after 3 o'clock. It was Sunday, and the store became busy after the we were left alone.
I was still in a really good mood, because in the morning there was this super nice woman who complimented and thanked me for helping her. And then came along this guy... he was filing a complaint against our product because it wasn't good. I know that the policy for returning shoes is that if it is damaged, we can't take it back. It's understandable; how would we sell it again? So... my supervisor's in vacation and here is this guy who thinks he's all that. He begins talking with me, and I clearly explain that there isn't much that I could do about it. He tells me that I'm exhausting him because he was the one who was doing all the talking. I wasn't talking to him because I've already explained myself; if he wanted to talk and complain more, well that's not my fault.
He goes over to the cashier to do the return, and the cashier knew we weren't supposed to accept it. We called up the manager from the management department so that she could deal with him. I went on break. Later on, I was told that he began insulting the people who were actually helping him. Ugh, he placed me in such a bad mood.
Like I've said, I was new and I was with another new person. Employees in the shoe department are all responsible for the luggage department as well. I haven't handled luggage before and neither has my co-worker. The night before I prayed that nobody would ask for luggage. I remembered that it wasn't everyday that people come by to ask for luggage. And then guess what? Yesterday, somebody needed help with the luggage! Just my luck, right? My co-worker was helping somebody else, so I had to help the poor old man. I made it clear that it was my first time dealing with bags, and he told me that it was alright. He just needed my opinion. I tried to make up for my lack of experience with the little bit of knowledge I know, and some improvising. In the end... it worked! He bought a piece of luggage! I was so happy!
Today wasn't entirely as bad as yesterday. It was the first time in a long time when my Mom, my sister and I went shopping out together again. So, we went to eat outside and then headed for Pacific Mall. I found Super Junior's CD! I got it for such a good deal. 2 CD's, 36 songs, for only $25. Yup... so I'm listening to it right now.
I'll start with yesterday. When I went to work, I knew things were going to be a bit of a drag. I was working 6 and half hours, and the other new worker besides me were going to be left alone after 3 o'clock. It was Sunday, and the store became busy after the we were left alone.
I was still in a really good mood, because in the morning there was this super nice woman who complimented and thanked me for helping her. And then came along this guy... he was filing a complaint against our product because it wasn't good. I know that the policy for returning shoes is that if it is damaged, we can't take it back. It's understandable; how would we sell it again? So... my supervisor's in vacation and here is this guy who thinks he's all that. He begins talking with me, and I clearly explain that there isn't much that I could do about it. He tells me that I'm exhausting him because he was the one who was doing all the talking. I wasn't talking to him because I've already explained myself; if he wanted to talk and complain more, well that's not my fault.
He goes over to the cashier to do the return, and the cashier knew we weren't supposed to accept it. We called up the manager from the management department so that she could deal with him. I went on break. Later on, I was told that he began insulting the people who were actually helping him. Ugh, he placed me in such a bad mood.
Like I've said, I was new and I was with another new person. Employees in the shoe department are all responsible for the luggage department as well. I haven't handled luggage before and neither has my co-worker. The night before I prayed that nobody would ask for luggage. I remembered that it wasn't everyday that people come by to ask for luggage. And then guess what? Yesterday, somebody needed help with the luggage! Just my luck, right? My co-worker was helping somebody else, so I had to help the poor old man. I made it clear that it was my first time dealing with bags, and he told me that it was alright. He just needed my opinion. I tried to make up for my lack of experience with the little bit of knowledge I know, and some improvising. In the end... it worked! He bought a piece of luggage! I was so happy!
Today wasn't entirely as bad as yesterday. It was the first time in a long time when my Mom, my sister and I went shopping out together again. So, we went to eat outside and then headed for Pacific Mall. I found Super Junior's CD! I got it for such a good deal. 2 CD's, 36 songs, for only $25. Yup... so I'm listening to it right now.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Watercolours in the Afternoon
Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
Oh my gosh! Thank goodness! Everything's over! My exams, my school, everything! I'm literally jumping for joy. I'm free. FREE. FREE FREE FREE. And I'm loving it!
Of course, I'd still have to return to school on the 23rd and the 26th just to get the results of my exams and get my report card. My exams went well, by the way. My math exam was okay, not too hard, not too easy. I think I'm on the lucky side of my grade though. I heard that mostly everybody had a hard time with it. There were only three of us who seemed to have gotten similar answers on almost everything. I'm happy about that. I'm also happy with the fact that my programming exam wasn't too hard. I thought I wouldn't be able to figure out how to write a program for the problem, but it turned out that the problem was pretty easy. We had to write it on paper, though. My business exam was all multiple choice and a bit of fill in the blanks with a word bank. So, it was the easiest out of all three exams.
So now, I can focus all my time on my fanfiction life. I can't wait to get back. Seriously. A few reviewers have asked me to update already, and I appreciate to know that they haven't given up on me. I'm also contemplating whether to give out sneak peeks on my blog. Yeah, I think I should do that.
Okay then, here's one. It's from the edited Chapter 11 and 12 of 'Sticks and Stones'. The relevance of this part to the story? Not much. It's the only thing I have at the moment, so I'm putting it in. Next time I post sneak peeks, I promise they will be better. (I just found out that some people *do* read blogs. Hmm...)
-o-
“Uh… uh… my, my name? My name is… is…”
What if I just pretended to be a different person? I didn’t have to risk being known. I could be someone else for a day; someone who wasn’t related to the great Hercule Satan; someone who Bulma would be happy to help. But that would be unfair for Gohan. He had done lots of things for me, including this, and it would be shameful for me not to go along with his plan… whatever that was.
Besides, I would then have to lie again. I lied to Goten yesterday; would I lie now? That would only add to the horrible image my father had carved to Gohan’s family. He lied to the world, and it would definitely be no surprise if I lied to everybody too.
No, I needed to tell the truth, because I’m not like my father.
“My name is… Videl,”
She craned her neck slightly towards me.
“Sorry, but I didn’t catch that quite too well.”
I cleared my throat and tried again, “I’m Videl.”
Bulma’s eyes widened in surprise.
“Videl Satan?”
I didn’t know whether to nod or shake my head.
Just then Gohan stepped in and confirmed the situation. He cleared his throat awkwardly before saying, “Yeah…”. He trailed off there and didn’t say any more.
Oh my gosh! Thank goodness! Everything's over! My exams, my school, everything! I'm literally jumping for joy. I'm free. FREE. FREE FREE FREE. And I'm loving it!
Of course, I'd still have to return to school on the 23rd and the 26th just to get the results of my exams and get my report card. My exams went well, by the way. My math exam was okay, not too hard, not too easy. I think I'm on the lucky side of my grade though. I heard that mostly everybody had a hard time with it. There were only three of us who seemed to have gotten similar answers on almost everything. I'm happy about that. I'm also happy with the fact that my programming exam wasn't too hard. I thought I wouldn't be able to figure out how to write a program for the problem, but it turned out that the problem was pretty easy. We had to write it on paper, though. My business exam was all multiple choice and a bit of fill in the blanks with a word bank. So, it was the easiest out of all three exams.
So now, I can focus all my time on my fanfiction life. I can't wait to get back. Seriously. A few reviewers have asked me to update already, and I appreciate to know that they haven't given up on me. I'm also contemplating whether to give out sneak peeks on my blog. Yeah, I think I should do that.
Okay then, here's one. It's from the edited Chapter 11 and 12 of 'Sticks and Stones'. The relevance of this part to the story? Not much. It's the only thing I have at the moment, so I'm putting it in. Next time I post sneak peeks, I promise they will be better. (I just found out that some people *do* read blogs. Hmm...)
-o-
“Uh… uh… my, my name? My name is… is…”
What if I just pretended to be a different person? I didn’t have to risk being known. I could be someone else for a day; someone who wasn’t related to the great Hercule Satan; someone who Bulma would be happy to help. But that would be unfair for Gohan. He had done lots of things for me, including this, and it would be shameful for me not to go along with his plan… whatever that was.
Besides, I would then have to lie again. I lied to Goten yesterday; would I lie now? That would only add to the horrible image my father had carved to Gohan’s family. He lied to the world, and it would definitely be no surprise if I lied to everybody too.
No, I needed to tell the truth, because I’m not like my father.
“My name is… Videl,”
She craned her neck slightly towards me.
“Sorry, but I didn’t catch that quite too well.”
I cleared my throat and tried again, “I’m Videl.”
Bulma’s eyes widened in surprise.
“Videl Satan?”
I didn’t know whether to nod or shake my head.
Just then Gohan stepped in and confirmed the situation. He cleared his throat awkwardly before saying, “Yeah…”. He trailed off there and didn’t say any more.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Pancakes in the Morning
Ah... the dreaded days are coming all too soon. On the 16th and 17th, I would be writing my Math, Computers and Business exams. I'm nervous, but at the same time, I know that I'm doing my best to prepare for it. That's all that I can really do.
As for other things, I'm definitely in Fanfiction zone now. I can't wait until I open up my stories once again and start writing the continuation. My hands are itching, and my mind is going overdrive. I have so many things in plan, and I don't think I have enough time to do it all. I can't wait until Tuesday night.
I'm also going to begin my artworks again. I love to sketch, but I almost abandoned that hobby this year because I wasn't taking any art courses, and I didn't have time to just draw when I felt like it. I want to start to draw anime (better, because it seems like I suck), and other things like shading or using other materials for colouring. I usually just use color pencils because the texture is just right for shading, but I really want to try pastels or watercolours.
That's all that I really have to give a heads-up for. I'd love to write more, but like I said, so many things to do in such little time.
As for other things, I'm definitely in Fanfiction zone now. I can't wait until I open up my stories once again and start writing the continuation. My hands are itching, and my mind is going overdrive. I have so many things in plan, and I don't think I have enough time to do it all. I can't wait until Tuesday night.
I'm also going to begin my artworks again. I love to sketch, but I almost abandoned that hobby this year because I wasn't taking any art courses, and I didn't have time to just draw when I felt like it. I want to start to draw anime (better, because it seems like I suck), and other things like shading or using other materials for colouring. I usually just use color pencils because the texture is just right for shading, but I really want to try pastels or watercolours.
That's all that I really have to give a heads-up for. I'd love to write more, but like I said, so many things to do in such little time.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Dwelling
Do I sound over dramatic?
I probably do.
I know that I don't have the most interesting life out there. Not that anybody's reading this anyway. This is for myself. Just for me, and even though people might read it, they wouldn't know me enough to judge me.
I'm still depressed.
But now, I have something to distract myself from. I'm memorizing my business lines for tomorrow's presentation. I hope I do well.
There I go again.
I hope.
Is that really the only thing I can do? Hope? Really... what would happen if I lose hope? I've read a story that said: if you lose hope, keep hoping anyway because you have nowhere else to go.
I probably should quote that... but I'm too lazy to. Disclaimer: that quote doesn't belong to me.
Anyway, I try to imagine myself without any hope. I think I would be a walking zombie. It's not like me to be so pessimistic and cynical. Have you ever had a time in your life where you try and try your best, you work hard, but not one of your efforts pay off? Well, that's how I'm feeling right now.
The thing that I hate most is when people tell me that I can't do something. Just like how my Dad assumed that I would get bad marks if I work. It was like he was telling me I couldn't handle two things at the same time. That's why there's so much pressure on my shoulders. I want to prove him wrong so badly! Really really badly! I try my best on all my school work, but since the year is already ending and I only have so much chances, luck and God aren't here with me.
I know, I know. God's probably taking care of the people in China and Myanmar.
I feel bad when I doubt my own religion. I feel like I'm not faithful enough. I'm probably not the most religious teenager you can find around here, but I try my best and it's so... there's not even a word for it. I just feel horrible when I doubt God. I know I shouldn't...
Really, why would things go bad now just when I need good stuff?
What's more ironic is that my teacher's been giving us harder and harder quizzes and tests. Great! Definitely what I need. I know that it's almost the year end, but what does that have to do with him changing the difficulty of his questions? I don't understand!
I'm stressed out. I don't know what to do. I already know that my marks are probably going to go down. And then my challenge would go down the drain.
And once again, I'd lose.
I probably do.
I know that I don't have the most interesting life out there. Not that anybody's reading this anyway. This is for myself. Just for me, and even though people might read it, they wouldn't know me enough to judge me.
I'm still depressed.
But now, I have something to distract myself from. I'm memorizing my business lines for tomorrow's presentation. I hope I do well.
There I go again.
I hope.
Is that really the only thing I can do? Hope? Really... what would happen if I lose hope? I've read a story that said: if you lose hope, keep hoping anyway because you have nowhere else to go.
I probably should quote that... but I'm too lazy to. Disclaimer: that quote doesn't belong to me.
Anyway, I try to imagine myself without any hope. I think I would be a walking zombie. It's not like me to be so pessimistic and cynical. Have you ever had a time in your life where you try and try your best, you work hard, but not one of your efforts pay off? Well, that's how I'm feeling right now.
The thing that I hate most is when people tell me that I can't do something. Just like how my Dad assumed that I would get bad marks if I work. It was like he was telling me I couldn't handle two things at the same time. That's why there's so much pressure on my shoulders. I want to prove him wrong so badly! Really really badly! I try my best on all my school work, but since the year is already ending and I only have so much chances, luck and God aren't here with me.
I know, I know. God's probably taking care of the people in China and Myanmar.
I feel bad when I doubt my own religion. I feel like I'm not faithful enough. I'm probably not the most religious teenager you can find around here, but I try my best and it's so... there's not even a word for it. I just feel horrible when I doubt God. I know I shouldn't...
Really, why would things go bad now just when I need good stuff?
What's more ironic is that my teacher's been giving us harder and harder quizzes and tests. Great! Definitely what I need. I know that it's almost the year end, but what does that have to do with him changing the difficulty of his questions? I don't understand!
I'm stressed out. I don't know what to do. I already know that my marks are probably going to go down. And then my challenge would go down the drain.
And once again, I'd lose.
Worst times of my Life
Oh, I don't even know what's buried me! Two weeks ago, I was coasting along quietly, minding my own business when all of a sudden a ton of problems came crashing down from out of the blue. Okay, so maybe my problems would seem so little compared to what other people may have, but they're problems non the less, and they're stressing me out so badly. Sometimes I feel so depressed that I don't even want to get out of bed. And that's unusual; I mostly like waking up and getting up in the mornings.
Days are a drag. They really are.
I think it all started a last week when I received a whole shift for my work from 10: 30 to 6:30. My Dad began scolding me about how my work will interfere with my studies and my marks will go down. It gets me really pissed off when he just assumes things like that? Why would he even assume that my grades would go down? Doesn't he have enough faith in what I can do? I guess not. I don't think he believes in anything my sister and I do. Way to go... besides, I still blame him for making me send out my resumees in the first place. So technically, it was his fault that I have this job.
But what's more infuriating is the fact that times don't seem to go along with what I plan. I plan to study and work really really hard so that I would be able to achieve at least the same marks that I did last time, but it doesn't seem to work out that way. No matter how much I try to do better (especially in math) there would always be something to catch me off guard and pull me back down. I don't know what it is with my math teacher when he gives us test and quiz questions that I've never seen before. How am I supposed to know how to do that? It's so frustrating! I dropped 20% with my tests already, and I can't seem to be able to catch up. I just wrote my last quiz for the course today, and I didn't even seem to score a hundred. Do you think that asking for a perfect score is too much? Most people will think so, but I don't. Many people in my class can. Even if I get a hundred percent for my next test (which is impossible), I still wouldn't be able to have the same grade unless I score a perfect on my exam (which is again, impossible). Why do times need to be like this just when I need luck on my side?
Other things that came crashing down? Well, a business ISU and two new Careers project. I usually am able to get perfect on the Civics tests, but when I got to Careers, I've never had a perfect just yet. I don't want my average to go down with this subject as well, or else I'm permanently doomed. I don't want to be doomed! Nobody wants to be doomed! My business ISU is due tomorrow. I have to go memorize and practice my lines, and I really need to get at least a perfect on this project. It's a team project, and it really doesn't depend on me alone to achieve this goal. I wonder how my other team mates will do.
I don't have too much of a problem with Careers and Computers, but effort is still needed badly. I have to work so hard for all of this subjects, and what do I get? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Nothing for my hard work! Gosh... I'm overly depressed. Yeah, I know; I probably don't know the meaning of hard work yet, but as of right now... this is hard work. This is hard work for me, and I'm getting nothing back for my efforts. Ever know how that feels? It feels horrible. It feels like my stomach is going to spurt out of my mouth, along with my heart and my brains. I think I'm getting used to the feeling that I'm almost enjoying it. Of course, that would never happen. I would never enjoy disappointment. I try not to do that; I owe it to even myself.
Days are a drag. They really are.
I think it all started a last week when I received a whole shift for my work from 10: 30 to 6:30. My Dad began scolding me about how my work will interfere with my studies and my marks will go down. It gets me really pissed off when he just assumes things like that? Why would he even assume that my grades would go down? Doesn't he have enough faith in what I can do? I guess not. I don't think he believes in anything my sister and I do. Way to go... besides, I still blame him for making me send out my resumees in the first place. So technically, it was his fault that I have this job.
But what's more infuriating is the fact that times don't seem to go along with what I plan. I plan to study and work really really hard so that I would be able to achieve at least the same marks that I did last time, but it doesn't seem to work out that way. No matter how much I try to do better (especially in math) there would always be something to catch me off guard and pull me back down. I don't know what it is with my math teacher when he gives us test and quiz questions that I've never seen before. How am I supposed to know how to do that? It's so frustrating! I dropped 20% with my tests already, and I can't seem to be able to catch up. I just wrote my last quiz for the course today, and I didn't even seem to score a hundred. Do you think that asking for a perfect score is too much? Most people will think so, but I don't. Many people in my class can. Even if I get a hundred percent for my next test (which is impossible), I still wouldn't be able to have the same grade unless I score a perfect on my exam (which is again, impossible). Why do times need to be like this just when I need luck on my side?
Other things that came crashing down? Well, a business ISU and two new Careers project. I usually am able to get perfect on the Civics tests, but when I got to Careers, I've never had a perfect just yet. I don't want my average to go down with this subject as well, or else I'm permanently doomed. I don't want to be doomed! Nobody wants to be doomed! My business ISU is due tomorrow. I have to go memorize and practice my lines, and I really need to get at least a perfect on this project. It's a team project, and it really doesn't depend on me alone to achieve this goal. I wonder how my other team mates will do.
I don't have too much of a problem with Careers and Computers, but effort is still needed badly. I have to work so hard for all of this subjects, and what do I get? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Nothing for my hard work! Gosh... I'm overly depressed. Yeah, I know; I probably don't know the meaning of hard work yet, but as of right now... this is hard work. This is hard work for me, and I'm getting nothing back for my efforts. Ever know how that feels? It feels horrible. It feels like my stomach is going to spurt out of my mouth, along with my heart and my brains. I think I'm getting used to the feeling that I'm almost enjoying it. Of course, that would never happen. I would never enjoy disappointment. I try not to do that; I owe it to even myself.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Taking Flight
Heehee... the title's from Sarah Geronimo's album; I'm listening to one of her songs at the moment while I'm writing this. I'm in Canada but I still try to keep up with the things back in the Philippines.
Anyway, my work is alright now. Just like my other post, all it really took was a ray of sunshine; yesterday it was a very sunny day and good things happened. So, I'm not stressed out about work anymore. Maybe I have to worry about my school though. My business ISU is due in two and a half weeks, and my group and I have barely started. All the research is probably finished, but we need to put it all together.
What I really want to talk about this post is Fanfiction.net. Yay, things are starting to look up again in the G/V section. Not that it was at the bottom of the bottle, but it had seen better times before. Apparently I hadn't known of fanfiction yet when it was really at its peak.
Quite recently many authors in the G/V section (DBZ in general) have lacked the enthusiasm to continue their stories. This caused a major recession in stories, and even though I'm not probably the most active author there, I try to still continue my writing. I guess what I'm trying to get to is that I feel so frustrated when people stop writing because they feel as if nobody's going to read and review. I mean sure, reviews are a big deal (they are for me too) but ever tried writing for your own sake? If reviews were all that mattered, I wouldn't be in the position I am now. I am quite proud of my recent works, and I wouldn't be here if I had let all the flames of my earlier stories stop me. Trust me, flames are worst than people who don't review. I was a pretty bad writer, but now I'm better.
I think all the authors have shifted over to newer animes as well. I don't blame them for that, but all I'm saying is that just because other authors have lost interest, it doesn't mean that the rest of us should. You people know what I'm talking about.
Anyway, stop with all the negativity.
Today I found out that two of my fellow writer have started a forum and a DeviantArt group just for G/V. I'm so excited. I *love* forums. I love talking about nothing and something. My favorite? Introspective blather. Yup! The best topics are ones that make me think, are controversial, interesting, random, and just anything that isn't cliched. Of course cliche isn't too bad as well. Old classic topics that I love to participate in are things like, "If so and so are Disney characters, which movie would they be in?" Hehee... I love being random.
Yeah! I got to post "What You Will" as well. It's doing pretty well. I'm hoping for more reviews, but it's good. Now I will focus on "Sticks and Stones" once again. The new edited chapter is 3/4 done. There's a big scene at the end that I still need to write. Actually, it's a scene and a half.
So, I'm sure that nobody's reading this anyway. I don't if people read others' blogs, but I just like to keep track of the things that are happening in my life, whether be important or not.
Have a happy, happy, happy Mother's Day!
Anyway, my work is alright now. Just like my other post, all it really took was a ray of sunshine; yesterday it was a very sunny day and good things happened. So, I'm not stressed out about work anymore. Maybe I have to worry about my school though. My business ISU is due in two and a half weeks, and my group and I have barely started. All the research is probably finished, but we need to put it all together.
What I really want to talk about this post is Fanfiction.net. Yay, things are starting to look up again in the G/V section. Not that it was at the bottom of the bottle, but it had seen better times before. Apparently I hadn't known of fanfiction yet when it was really at its peak.
Quite recently many authors in the G/V section (DBZ in general) have lacked the enthusiasm to continue their stories. This caused a major recession in stories, and even though I'm not probably the most active author there, I try to still continue my writing. I guess what I'm trying to get to is that I feel so frustrated when people stop writing because they feel as if nobody's going to read and review. I mean sure, reviews are a big deal (they are for me too) but ever tried writing for your own sake? If reviews were all that mattered, I wouldn't be in the position I am now. I am quite proud of my recent works, and I wouldn't be here if I had let all the flames of my earlier stories stop me. Trust me, flames are worst than people who don't review. I was a pretty bad writer, but now I'm better.
I think all the authors have shifted over to newer animes as well. I don't blame them for that, but all I'm saying is that just because other authors have lost interest, it doesn't mean that the rest of us should. You people know what I'm talking about.
Anyway, stop with all the negativity.
Today I found out that two of my fellow writer have started a forum and a DeviantArt group just for G/V. I'm so excited. I *love* forums. I love talking about nothing and something. My favorite? Introspective blather. Yup! The best topics are ones that make me think, are controversial, interesting, random, and just anything that isn't cliched. Of course cliche isn't too bad as well. Old classic topics that I love to participate in are things like, "If so and so are Disney characters, which movie would they be in?" Hehee... I love being random.
Yeah! I got to post "What You Will" as well. It's doing pretty well. I'm hoping for more reviews, but it's good. Now I will focus on "Sticks and Stones" once again. The new edited chapter is 3/4 done. There's a big scene at the end that I still need to write. Actually, it's a scene and a half.
So, I'm sure that nobody's reading this anyway. I don't if people read others' blogs, but I just like to keep track of the things that are happening in my life, whether be important or not.
Have a happy, happy, happy Mother's Day!
Saturday, May 3, 2008
I Don't Know What To Do
So, last week I had the most fun weekend ever when I went to a school camping trip. I'll tell more about that later, because now I have something more important to talk about.
I just got a job. I don't know what I feel about it. In order to understand what I'm going through, I'll start from the very beginning:
This year, I told my parents that I wanted to get a summer job. Key word: summer. My father began rushing me to send in an application form or a resumee immediately because he said that getting a job usually takes a few months. I agree with him; I *do* think that it takes a few months. But, fortunately (or unfortunately), somebody had resigned in the shoe department at Sears, and it so happened that my Mom had connections there. So I got a job in a matter of weeks.
I talked with my supervisor that I could only work in the summer. She said she needed the help now, so I agreed. My father wasn't too pleased about that; he said that I will neglect my education and that I will, well, basically become a bad student. I had a talk with my supervisor again, and told her that I could only work on Friday's and the weekends and she agreed.
Guess what? I had my orientation yesterday, and she gave me my schedule; I'm working on weekdays as well. I was worried the heck out of my mind! I told my parents, and my Dad ranted on again about how I will not be able to focus on my lessons. True, but wasn't he the one who rushed me to get a job in the first place?
Now, I know that basically, it was all an incident- somebody resigning and all, but really! If I didn't send in a resumee, I wouldn't get the job. To be completely honest, I didn't even need the job at all; I just wanted to try it.
Since my Dad is basically pushing the fact that I will do poorly at school into my head, I decided that I would only keep the job until the end of the summer. At fall, when I start Grade 11, I would resign.
What does my Mom do? She becomes upset! She said that she will be very embarrassed with her co-worker who was one of the connections who helped me get the job. It will be very embarrassing for her!
So what do I do? I have no idea right now.
If I keep the job, my Dad will nag me that I can't be the best student that I can be.
If I don't keep the job, my Mom will be upset.
If I keep the job, I will have to balance school and work together, and I'm not sure if I can.
If I don't keep the job, I won't get paid and earn money, since I won't be receiving child benefit anymore.
Really, what should I do?
How should I even feel?
I'm stuck...
I just got a job. I don't know what I feel about it. In order to understand what I'm going through, I'll start from the very beginning:
This year, I told my parents that I wanted to get a summer job. Key word: summer. My father began rushing me to send in an application form or a resumee immediately because he said that getting a job usually takes a few months. I agree with him; I *do* think that it takes a few months. But, fortunately (or unfortunately), somebody had resigned in the shoe department at Sears, and it so happened that my Mom had connections there. So I got a job in a matter of weeks.
I talked with my supervisor that I could only work in the summer. She said she needed the help now, so I agreed. My father wasn't too pleased about that; he said that I will neglect my education and that I will, well, basically become a bad student. I had a talk with my supervisor again, and told her that I could only work on Friday's and the weekends and she agreed.
Guess what? I had my orientation yesterday, and she gave me my schedule; I'm working on weekdays as well. I was worried the heck out of my mind! I told my parents, and my Dad ranted on again about how I will not be able to focus on my lessons. True, but wasn't he the one who rushed me to get a job in the first place?
Now, I know that basically, it was all an incident- somebody resigning and all, but really! If I didn't send in a resumee, I wouldn't get the job. To be completely honest, I didn't even need the job at all; I just wanted to try it.
Since my Dad is basically pushing the fact that I will do poorly at school into my head, I decided that I would only keep the job until the end of the summer. At fall, when I start Grade 11, I would resign.
What does my Mom do? She becomes upset! She said that she will be very embarrassed with her co-worker who was one of the connections who helped me get the job. It will be very embarrassing for her!
So what do I do? I have no idea right now.
If I keep the job, my Dad will nag me that I can't be the best student that I can be.
If I don't keep the job, my Mom will be upset.
If I keep the job, I will have to balance school and work together, and I'm not sure if I can.
If I don't keep the job, I won't get paid and earn money, since I won't be receiving child benefit anymore.
Really, what should I do?
How should I even feel?
I'm stuck...
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
All It Took Was a Ray of Sunshine
I don't have a lot of work today so I figured, why not update? I mean, I've always wanted to update my blog frequently. Like I said, I don't have a lot of homework. I think I'm having the best day of the week so far. This morning I got the results from my recent Civics project. My teacher hadn't been impressed with the marks, so I was overjoyed when I found out that I received a perfect. Feel a little guilty though, since he marked my grammar/spelling as perfect too when he actually caught a few mistakes. He's probably being generous. Anyway, in business class I received a caramel granola bar for answering a question correctly that the others didn't. Cool eh? Then in math, our test date was postponed till Monday (not that I mind it being on Friday) and programming was a breezy course.
So, that's enough of my personal life right now.
Updating my fics? Okay, let's talk about that. I'm currently editing the last chapter of Sticks and Stones. I feel like I've lost all emotion, and what's left is a rough stoney texture. There really wasn't that much to it. My sentence structure is poor and let's not even get into the length of the chapter. I'm trying to add about another six to seven pages worth of plot, and reposting it again. I've figured out the majority of details for the next three chapters including the epilogue. Yeah, I know I've said that before but this time I really know where I'm going to take this story. I just had a bit of trouble with the details. Hopefully it doesn't end too fast since the pacing was rather slow; the problem is that I don't think there's room for romance. I don't want to give out any spoilers because I've always seemed to change my mind all too quickly and even my spoilers become wrong.
To be completely and brutally honest, I feel like I'm getting tired of writing this story. I mean, it may just be because it's not my main priority at this moment so I don't feel as interested in writing it, but I'm more excited about posting What You Will. I've been getting this chills lately that if I don't get started on its first chapter and post it, somebody will get to the idea first. I've planned about three chapters worth of the story already, and I'm hoping that it will become a hit just like Sticks and Stones. I'd be gravely disappointed to find out that somebody beat me to it.
I hope I'm not like one of those lousy authors. I think I may seem like one, but I'm really passionate about writing... it's just school work comes first. And even though I don't have a lot of homework, sometimes the inspiration just isn't there. I love and enjoy writing Sticks and Stones, and hopefully there's still that glowing ember inside me that can spark better chapters. I know it's there; it just takes a while to shed off my essay-mode. Essays lack emotion, and their too blunt. I can't lack emotion and be blunt when I'm writing my story, so I do apologize for that. I just feel like I can do so much better.
Well, this seems like a pretty long post. I hope it makes up for all the days that I missed, and hopefully for the days that I'm pretty sure I *will* miss. I don't know; if I'm not busy in the next few days, I might give another heads up. But other than that, I don't think there are a lot of things worth of giving a heads up for.
So, that's enough of my personal life right now.
Updating my fics? Okay, let's talk about that. I'm currently editing the last chapter of Sticks and Stones. I feel like I've lost all emotion, and what's left is a rough stoney texture. There really wasn't that much to it. My sentence structure is poor and let's not even get into the length of the chapter. I'm trying to add about another six to seven pages worth of plot, and reposting it again. I've figured out the majority of details for the next three chapters including the epilogue. Yeah, I know I've said that before but this time I really know where I'm going to take this story. I just had a bit of trouble with the details. Hopefully it doesn't end too fast since the pacing was rather slow; the problem is that I don't think there's room for romance. I don't want to give out any spoilers because I've always seemed to change my mind all too quickly and even my spoilers become wrong.
To be completely and brutally honest, I feel like I'm getting tired of writing this story. I mean, it may just be because it's not my main priority at this moment so I don't feel as interested in writing it, but I'm more excited about posting What You Will. I've been getting this chills lately that if I don't get started on its first chapter and post it, somebody will get to the idea first. I've planned about three chapters worth of the story already, and I'm hoping that it will become a hit just like Sticks and Stones. I'd be gravely disappointed to find out that somebody beat me to it.
I hope I'm not like one of those lousy authors. I think I may seem like one, but I'm really passionate about writing... it's just school work comes first. And even though I don't have a lot of homework, sometimes the inspiration just isn't there. I love and enjoy writing Sticks and Stones, and hopefully there's still that glowing ember inside me that can spark better chapters. I know it's there; it just takes a while to shed off my essay-mode. Essays lack emotion, and their too blunt. I can't lack emotion and be blunt when I'm writing my story, so I do apologize for that. I just feel like I can do so much better.
Well, this seems like a pretty long post. I hope it makes up for all the days that I missed, and hopefully for the days that I'm pretty sure I *will* miss. I don't know; if I'm not busy in the next few days, I might give another heads up. But other than that, I don't think there are a lot of things worth of giving a heads up for.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Writing at School
There's really nothing going on right now. Okay, there's lots of things going on like school work, but there's nothing interesting. Mid-terms are coming up in a week; I'm feeling a little anxious about my marks, but since I've gotten most of it earlier, I just need to wonder what I got in my programming class.
I haven't written in months and that's because I wasn't interested in putting up anything. But now, I feel a little stressed out because of the workload I've been getting (man, the guys in front of me are loud). I'm writing this at school. There's usually very little work during programming class, and the guys often just fool around. And hey, the teacher's in it too!
I just did a math quiz. I was hoping to get a hundred percent on it, but just as usual, I get some stupid mistakes. I feel really lousy when this happens. I'm disappointed to know that I don't do the best I can. I feel like slapping my self or banging my head on the wall.
Nothing intersting has been happening. On Saturday I went to a gaming workshop. It was pretty cool and boring at the same time (if that even makes sense). I don't have the software at home to start making my own games, so whatever things I learned there are just going to be left behind in the dust behind the back of my brain. I'll forget! I assure you, I will.
In two weeks I'll be going to a camping trip. Oh, I can't wait. That's probably the only exciting event in my life this month. I think I'll also be having a math test by the end of this week. I really want to work hard to do well in it (and by well I mean perfect). It's not like I'm asking too much; I know I have the ability to get perfect, and I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm too distracted. I don't feel like I am though. As a matter of fact, I think I'm focused enough to get good grades. I don't know why I'm not nailing my math tests. Oh gee, I need to type really quickly. I only have four minutes until the bell rings.
I just realized how good it felt to be typing up my blog again. I feel like I need an outlet, and this helped a lot. Okay, I know it's pretty boring but who cares? My life is boring.
I haven't written in months and that's because I wasn't interested in putting up anything. But now, I feel a little stressed out because of the workload I've been getting (man, the guys in front of me are loud). I'm writing this at school. There's usually very little work during programming class, and the guys often just fool around. And hey, the teacher's in it too!
I just did a math quiz. I was hoping to get a hundred percent on it, but just as usual, I get some stupid mistakes. I feel really lousy when this happens. I'm disappointed to know that I don't do the best I can. I feel like slapping my self or banging my head on the wall.
Nothing intersting has been happening. On Saturday I went to a gaming workshop. It was pretty cool and boring at the same time (if that even makes sense). I don't have the software at home to start making my own games, so whatever things I learned there are just going to be left behind in the dust behind the back of my brain. I'll forget! I assure you, I will.
In two weeks I'll be going to a camping trip. Oh, I can't wait. That's probably the only exciting event in my life this month. I think I'll also be having a math test by the end of this week. I really want to work hard to do well in it (and by well I mean perfect). It's not like I'm asking too much; I know I have the ability to get perfect, and I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm too distracted. I don't feel like I am though. As a matter of fact, I think I'm focused enough to get good grades. I don't know why I'm not nailing my math tests. Oh gee, I need to type really quickly. I only have four minutes until the bell rings.
I just realized how good it felt to be typing up my blog again. I feel like I need an outlet, and this helped a lot. Okay, I know it's pretty boring but who cares? My life is boring.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Bad Habit
Man, I haven't updated in a month! There goes my plan on updating about every two days. Oh well, I have an excuse. I just finished my exams today so I've been really busy. And they were hard exams: English, Science and History. Thank goodness I don't have math. Second semester starts on Friday.
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